75. My grandmother on my father's side hated me.
it's true she did...everyone knew it...but no one was sure why...although a few people had their own ideas...mom thought that maybe it was because i look a lot like my mom's side of the family...maybe i reminded her of my mom...afterall my dad was the baby in his family and my mom did marry him and 'take him away' from his mother...i figured she didnt like me just because she loved my sister vickie SO MUCH...vickie was without a doubt the apple of my granny's eye...vickie was the princess in my granny's house...and we all knew it...
i like to think that maybe deep down somewhere in her heart that granny loved me...and i think that really she didnt exactly hate me...but i definately annoyed her for no obvious reason... i can remember when we were kids and mom and dad would take us to granny's while they went out...i would cry and beg not to have to stay...but i always had to...and as he was leaving my dad would always turn to her and say..."mama don't be mean to luann"...i knew his words didnt mean anything to her because as soon as they were gone she would 'lay down the law'...i hated staying there...
as i get older i think about my grandmother a lot...i try to remember conversations that i had with her as a child...and sadly i can't remember any of them...did i have any real conversations with her??? i am not sure...she died when i was 17...i remember mom waking my up one morning and telling me that granny had died...i buried my face in my pillow and cried...i cried because i was sad...i cried because i knew i would never see her again...and now i wonder if i cried because i would never know for sure if she did indeed love me...
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