but a couple of semesters ago i took a speech class and our first assignment was to give an informative speech on any topic...
i dont know why...and i dont know how...but out of the vast world of possiblities...i decided to give my speech on coffee...
so after a few weeks of reading...researching...and sampling way too many different roasts of coffee...i emerged with an A for the speech and a newfound addiction to coffee...
now the thing about coffee is...well...for ME anyway...sometimes coffee can have a laxative effect (OH SURE GO AHEAD AND LAUGH!)...
another thing is...that a lot of times i just wake up and decide to go somewhere...just me and the boys...i tend to be very spontaneous that way...
now about the whole 'debacle' thing...
a few days ago i woke up...made some coffee...and drank it while the boys were eating breakfast...then all of a sudden i decided that i needed to go to wal-mart...so we did...seth, jonah and me...
now wal-mart is about 25 minutes from my house...all the way there i was feeling a little 'yucky' but i really needed to get some stuff from the store...so i just ignored it...but i knew i was probably gonna have to find a restroom before i got back home...and God i just hate public restrooms...because i have the freaky thing about germs...but anyway...i digress...
by the time i actually reached wal-mart i was just praying to make it to the restroom before something really bad happened...so there we were the three of us...rushing past the greeter...grabbing a cart and making our way back to layaway (yeah there are restrooms up front but the ones in the back seem less crowded)
luckily when we go in there is no one in there...so i corral both of the boys into the handicap stall with me...i figured with a 5 year old and a 20 month old...the handicap stall was really the only option...
so there we were me on the *ahem* throne and jonah and seth running around like i had just brought them into a totally exciting playhouse....(ugh)...jonah grabs the toilet paper and takes off...there is a streamer of toilet paper following him as he is running around in a circle...i finally got him to stop long enough for me to notice that seth and snuck behind me and found the button to control the automatic flushing mechanism on the toilet...and just as i say ....NO!! SETH STOP!!! he pushes it and the toilet flushes and water sprays all over my um...backside...in the meantime a couple of women have entered the restroom...and wouldnt you know one of them decided to use the stall next to me...well as soon as jonah saw feet in the stall beside us...he immediately tries to bend down to see who it is...i grab him about the time that seth pushes the button again...and when i reach to get seth...in a flash jonah lays on his belly and GRABS THE FOOT IN THE STALL BESIDE ME....ACK!!!! i was dying...seth was going...MOM AREN'T YOU DONE YET??!?!?!?!?!
at this point i was in full blown panic mode...i was sitting there soaking wet from seth flushing the toilet god only knows how many times...there is a big pile of toilet paper by my feet...and i just grab them both and give them my best... IF-YOU-DON'T-STOP-I-AM-GONNA-CHEW-YOU-UP-AND-SPIT-YOU-OUT mommy looks...i got 'things' under control and waited for everyone to leave...then...just like nothing had ever happened...we emerged from the handicap stall...washed our hands...and headed out into the store to do our shopping...
i am thinking i may need to rethink my love of coffee....
12 comments:
HAHAHHAHAHA
Lu - you're the best!
God, the WORST things happen to you! You're like a SHIT magnet! (no pun intended...)
What a riot!!
When Joe and I recently went apple picking off the beaten path. I stooped down to pee at one point. He couldn't believe it because he thought I knew there were people just a few yards away from some trail. I didn't! The worst part was in trying to pull my pants back up (try it)after he signaled me to, I couldn't do it without giving a pretty full moon to the hiking family.
I about died. Nobody made eye contact.
So glad you're liking the book. I have gotten feedback where people read it through in a few hours. Feel free to blog about it.
After reading it, I guess you really know everything about it...and now even the mooning story above.
Funny, and mortifying at the same time :) how do you manage? Guess you'll have to leave the kiddos home next time you go.. or you could sell them to some gypsies :)
Angel Chasse
PS. I forgot to mention. Coffee has that same effect on me.. I thought I was the only one :)
HAHAHA!!! I BET YOU GAVE JONSEY A STEAMING BATH AS SOON AS YOU GOT HOME.... I'M SURE HE WAS INFESTED WITH ALL KINDS OF VERMIN... GOD, THAT WAS GREAT!!! M-
I'm seriously dying here...
Don't rethink your love of coffee...just rethink your love of Walmart. Coffee cannot be replaced, but Target has lovely *um* facilities.
That was so funny. I ahve had more expereinces like that than I care to admit...spastic colon here...ugh!
I have learned to deal with the whole public bathroom issues I used to have.
You know what would only have made it funnier? If, when Seth flushed the toilet on you, it had sucked your ass in and you'd gotten stuck there!
hahahahahahahahahahahahaha, I love this damn story, lulu...
Oh I've had several of those moments myself! And I can totally relate to the two-children-in-a-toilet cubicle debacle as well!
Now you may think I am being incredibly cheeky here - but Seshat told me to come over - I'm having css/html problems on my new blog - and am a total techno-idiot.
But I've just managed to put a new template on my blog (oh my, that took some time and involved a lot of swearing!) and it's looking lovely apart from one tiny glitch. The lovely Seshat described you as a computer genius and said I should come over here and ask you, which I am very tentatively and very nervously doing......
LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL
I don't believe that story can be topped - at least for a week or two!
Hey Lu, May I invite everybody over to guest post on "Amazing?" Anybody who would like to guest post for me, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese email me! Trudie878@hotmail.com *huggies*
p.s. I would have posted that on my blog, but since I don't get many visitors, I thought that I'd take advantage of your kindness hehehehe
Thank you, Lu *huggies*
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